We Need USPTO Watchdogs

The Associated press has announced that Government Investigators said the Federal Emergency Management Agency ignored the law and misused $7million to build two warehouses after Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. An inspector general report said some of the money FEMA misused should have gone toward Katrina victims in Louisiana. Surprise! Surprise!

GET REAL! Katrina hit Louisiana in August 2005. That’s a while ago. Our alert government watchdogs took only four years to admit the political paybacks, insider favors and pork barrel spending that siphoned our tax dollars. As usual, they‘re slow in admitting funds went to undeserving pockets. Residents of New Orleans were aware much sooner.

Sadly, you can never trust third- party people with handling your money. It just doesn’t work. Scammers, frauds, Ponzi schemes and pork-barrel projects thrive on such opportunity. Today’s shysters have no scruples or apparent accountability. Our government’s flippant spending habit runs rampant. Money is pissed away every day. Elected officials fail as responsible watchdogs. Our economy knows it. And so do the folks of New Orleans. Fortunately, I have an answer.

I suggest we utilize the resources of the ever diligent United States Patent & Trademark Office. Since birth, our Government has always sifted funds from the Patent Office. It’s treated like an ugly sister. Ugly, but wealthy! Scoundrels of other agencies have constantly stolen funds intended for updates, growth and efficiency of the Patent Office. Now, there’s possible payback!

Imagine how well the U.S.P.T.O. could scrutinize unreasonable government expenditures. No pork-barrel spending or road-to-nowhere would get past them. Patent examiners are the perfect fit for denying unwarranted expenditures. They already have a DNA overload of skepticism.The most efficient patent examiners (cruelest, if you will) should provid a consulting service.

This plan is almost taxpayer free, since wages and retirement already exist. Plus, the examiners might enjoy getting even with some unfriendly politicians.The group’s ultimate duty would be to scrutinize government applications for flippant spending as witnessed during disaster relief.

Well, let’s include any other windfalls of spending our money, too. Disaster suffering citizens deserve better. So do everyday taxpayers.Our Patent Examiners have an inbred ability to critique, criticize and refuse almost anything. (Have you ever filed for a Utility Patent?) They can brag about an 80% refusal rate. Their desk has an “easy button” with large letters saying “NO”.

This group can be decisive, super- steadfast and even ornery at times. Shysters wouldn’t stand a chance of sneaking unworthy, stupid stuff past Patent Examiners. Oh, I love the thought. Don’t you?